1975 - 1980 (ish)

This story is not for the faint hearted. Read on, if you wish. I will have to do in segments, as it covers thirty years.

When I was born, my mother was already on staff in a Cl V org. She really wanted to join the Sea Org, but, per her, my father would not have it. He was also in staff in the same org. (My mother told me stories about him which I don't know if they are true as I did not hear his side). I also have an older brother. Both of us used to hang out at the org with her.

I remember one time my brother got bored and disappeared. The police brought him back in to the org. He had gone outside onto a four lane street and was walking on the yellow line. He was four or five at that time. Another time he was found walking down the street by a friend about 1/2 mile from the org. The friend asked him where he was going, and he said he was walking to his grandparents house (500 miles away). He brought him back to the org.

A few years later, I dont know exactly, my dad got in trouble and got himself declared. He was then pretty much out of our lives. Now that he wasnt around to stop my mom, she decided to join the Sea Org. She packed us all up and took the car to California to join the Sea Org, which she did.

This put me and my brother in the CEO (Cadet Estates Org), which at that time, was next to CCI, on Franklin and Bronson.

As we got a bit older, and I guess more independent, we kinda went off on our own. I do know that I hardly ever saw my mom. She was constantly being sent on mission. She would show up every few months or so and visit for a few days, on family time, then leave again.

I remember many times when she would come for family time and just sleep. Or just stare off into space. I asked her "what are you thinking about?" and she would tell me "post" and I would ask if she always thinks about post on family time, does she think about her family on post time? (thinking that maybe she thought of us sometimes? Maybe for a little bit?). No answer. I felt so ignored.

Anyways, I love my mother, and I forgive her, if she ever reads this. Unfortunately, I am sure she is oblivious to what she did and has done to her kids. (And what the Sea Org has done to her).

At one point, my brother managed to contact our father and he came to visit us every week! That was so cool! And then my mom was getting all sick and stuff and we wanted to stay and live with our dad for the rest of our lives!! And she got even sicker and then one day in the middle of the night we left the area and went back to LA. Never to see my dad again. She even cancelled child support from him.

So back in LA, with no real control of us, we pretty much did whatever we wanted. I had no idea how to get money so I learned how to steal from my brother. And we did alot of that. I also learned that if I sat on this guys lap for a while, he would give me money too. And another guy too would touch me with his hands and he gave me money too. I was oh, 10 - 13 years old through all of this. Where was my mom? I don't remember. I didnt even learn how to brush my teeth - nobody around taught me a thing. And if I couldn't find anyone to "earn" money from (as above), I could steal from vending machines, or the Mexican wogs who made our food.

I am not claiming innocence in this. I am just telling my story. (But the church really makes you feel guilty and responsible for it!).

I was doing alright in school, except I remember one time a girl telling me that I was always wearing the exact same dress every day. I probably was. I didnt even notice. Also my hair was always tangled and I could not get it fixed and I had lice so many times. (I am NOT a disgusting bum, but it sure sounds like it!).

Later, I got sent to speech class, which REALLY upset me and I decided not to go to school anymore. I ditched like, oh 98% of the time. I remember many times they (my brother, my step dad and my mom) tried to get me to school. It is kinda humorous: My dad tried twice, first time he ran out of gas and didnt have enough money to get me to school and back to post, second time the car broke down. My brother brought me to the bus and watched me get on. He told me he would be there to pick me up when the bus returned me, to be sure I went. So when he turned around, I told the driver I had to go to BR, and ran out of the bus, spent the whole day roaming the city (after having stolen a box of snickers and started feeding them to all the neighborhood dogs). Then when it was time to pick me up, I was around the corner and as the buses unloaded, I just blended in with the crowd.

Yep, I missed as much school as I could. Any excuse was good for me: It was raining, the sun was shining, anything to get out of school.

I remember one time my friend invited me to her house. I stayed over for 3 months before my mom found me. I had stopped going to school entirely. She was pretty mad at me.

OK, I was not the perfect child, but I had no-one but my brother raising me, if he was.

1985 - 1988

OK screw it. I will skip to Part III. Part II is too complicated to tell right now. I can't so I will skip for now and go to next part. Maybe later.

EDITED/ADDED: I forgot to add the battle of Portland in here - so I am going to insert it here. Sorry for any confusion. OK so in 85 I was a kid still (teens) and there was a big briefing called to PAC base people. At that time, my mother and brother were also on the PAC Base, uncommon for us to all be there. Anyways, before the briefing I had this premonition that something was very wrong and i thought the church was getting closed down. I was kind of excited about it, cause I thought I would have more freedom. Oh well. So a big court case and anyone who could was to go down and protest. I thought we would be gone for a month. That was what I remember being told.

Anyways, a little girl named Emma D'Abrey (I think her parents are now declared? Not sure. Last time I knew she was in the Sea Org at Flag somewhere) wanted to come with me. At the time she was 5 and I was a teen. Both of our parents allowed us to go by ourselves. Unbelievable but true. I was going to watch her. Our parents were staying in LA. As we were getting on the bus, we were interviewed by the media about why we were going. Poor Emma didnt know what to say. And I tried to say to defend freedom or something, I dont know. We got on the bus and I sat next to a girl who kept telling me that Prince wrote the song "Rasberry Beret" about her. Bus drive was 24 hours. So we all got to Portland and started protesting, etc. I ended up meeting Jeff Pomerantz (the speaker voice at all the events, and other honorable whatevers) because one time he came up behind Emma and I while we were marching and he took Emma and ran off up the street. He said nothing to me. I ran after him cause I didnt know what the heck he wsa doing stealing a little girl. She was crying and scared. It was media on the corner and he wanted her on his shoulders for the shot. And that is little Emma. I caught up to them and saw who he was and told her it was ok, and to hold a sign up for the cameras.

Shortly after that I think she was sent home, or I lost track of her. I dont remember. Anyways, we were sleeping on the gm floor at Delphi the whole time that we were there. I think there were thousands of people. I dont know. I kept getting my head stepped on by people who couldn't see me. We stayed up there about 2 months protesting and then came home. I remember one other time we were protesting and a WOG yelled out "Go home!!!" and Jeff said "This is our home until we win!!!" and that came our saying for weeks. I was embarrassed to be there and embarrassed about being a Scientologist. I didnt even really know what it was!

Around the time that I was about 15 I guess, while many kids were running out of control, and the CEO and Cadet Org were not really on the ball getting us under control, the CO CMO PAC took to a meeting of all the squirts running around, which included myself and my best friend (who had continued my earlier actions, mainly consisting of theft and ditching school). The CO CMO PAC of the time is an Aussie or Kiwi (forgive me, for I cannot remember!) named Sue Bolstad. She gave us this whole speech about our lives and how we were all out ethics and stuff. She asked me how old I was and I told her I was 13. She said at that age, she was already Class IV and auditing and sec checking. Ok, long story short, we all got shipped off to the Cadet Org. We all got forcibly voluntarily joined (yes, incorrect grammar, so what?).

And so I started low in the group. I think they made me the E/O (LOL, I was so out ethics, who knows how I won that title, even for kiddies!). Then I moved up and ended up doing collections from Missions that Cadets did around the orgs. We used to sell Freedom Magazines, pass out TWTH books, handle backlogged filing, etc and the orgs would pay us.

Anyways, somewhere in there I stole like 13 dollars, or 30? Cant remember and they sent me to the Children's RPF. Ok. That was weird. I couldn't talk to anyone, no music, movies, nothing. I used to just sweep the front yard all the time. I got stuck there for about a year.

Then some recruiter for the SO came by trying to get his stats up for Thurs morning. He tried to get this one guy to join, but he didnt want to go. So I said I would go!! Anything to be able to listen to music again!

And that was why I joined the Sea Org. So I could listen to music again. You gotta understand, I was a kid when I joined. Likely too young. I didn't understand what the heck I was doing.

I remember on the EPF, doing all this heavy work. And then the courses were hard for me. I took like 6 months to read KSW #1 and then I was finally ready for a star-rate and I was terrified, trying to remember the defs of all those big words!). And the person asked me the def of "had" and I couldn't define it. She told me to look it up, re-read the bulletin and call her over when I was ready.

I remember thinking "Ok, see you in 6 months". LOL.

I was taking too long on the courses and I think they reviewed my situation and determined that since I had done BSM, I didnt need a study tech course and I had done some form of ethics course, So I just needed to do the Welcome to the Sea Org tapes (no star-rates there! Yay!) and the Cleaning Course or something (easy star-rates). But there was nothing about teeth brushing in any of that....

And then for the physical labor: I was working in the galley and I hated it. I hated cleaning things with water. It would dry my hands out so badly they would hurt. And then they wanted me to open the grease traps and clean them out too. Man, they smell nasty! Gross! So the Bosun was telling me that he would not sign for me to graduate until I got over all that (he had a crush on me and asked me out earlier and I declined and maybe that was his big deal anyways).

Oh well, while he was on study, someone else signed off for him and I graduated, a FULL Sea Org member!!! Yay. Age: 15.

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