2002 (I guess) and maybe part of 2003 also... (gettin' foggy on time here)

Prior to leaving to the airport to go back to the US, the FBO of Vza Org asked me to bring 2,000.00 American cash and give it to Gold people to buy another e-meter for the org. So I was carrying this cash with me, plus whatever cash I had.

So my flight was cancelled on Delta due to no gas. But Continental was still flying out and they managed to get me a flight on that. Going through security, I had my emeter with me and I did not speak the language. That freaked them out when they x-rayed it! And they asked me to explain it. Luckily, I had copied info out of What is Scn on what the meter was (spanish version) and let them read that and that seemed to be enough for them. They let me through.

So, I was finally on a flight out of Venezuela. I had a long stop-over in Houston, which was also where I had to go through immigration. (not a problem as I was American with a passport and all).

So I was in Houston for many hours, and with this cash. What my point is here, is that if I wanted to blow, I could have. That's all my point is. I should have, though at the time, I was still dedicated Sea Org member, etc.

So I get back to LA and get put immediately under 24 hour watch. I was like !!! I had plenty of opportunity to disappear, blow, whatever, and I came back by myself and they put me under watch!! Asswipes!! And I was under Comm Ev and not allowed on any of the bases. I was only allowed in the berthing building, where I was doing renovations under watch. I barely remember it.

And I remember that one of the Comm Ev members was a girl who had been flirting with my husband when we were still married and she was involved in convincing him to divorce me. The members are supposed to be unbiased. I tried to request another member and they would not approve it (they, meaning IJC). So my Comm Ev was done, blah blah blah. I remember they asked me if I wanted to be in the Sea Org, and I said yes (who knows why, cause I really didnt). Their final outcome was to kick me out of NWC and make me go to a lower org. NWC spent a while trying to trade me and finally worked out a trade with ASHO, after a while.

But I gotta back up in my story, about my step dad. So when I got back, he was basically in and out of the hospital constantly. Luckily, my mother was allowed to watch him and was not stuck on a post all day. She was able to care for him. They put him in a home care center, where they were keeping him until he passed (he had stomach cancer).

Meanwhile, my nephew had been diagnosed with cancer as well (at the age of 2) and was treated and was in remission (he had 15% chance of living at the diagnosis. He lived to the age of 6). He came by to visit his step grandpa and he brought with him a red balloon. He visited with grandpa for a while, then brought my mom over to the side and whispered "when he dies, release this balloon to heaven so he knows where to go" . At that time I think he was 4 or 5. So sweet.

And my step dad and mom had signed "do not resuscitate" papers. So when he passed, mom and I were both there. She went in before me to check on him and came out all freaked out and told me that his vitals were going down!! She didnt know what to do. I told her to go over and hold his hand and tell him that its OK to go (because that is what they both wanted). And he passed peacefully. Bless his heart.

He had a very funny roommate with him, who made all kinds of jokes about things and was very learned. We were telling him about Scn briefly, and about spirits and things. So when my step dad passed, this neighbor yelled out (in a friendly way) "take me with you!!". It gave us all a good laugh at a tough moment.

The nurses came rushing in with equipment to bring him back, and we stopped them, saying that was his wish.

My mom was crying hysterically, which I don't remember ever seeing before. I took her for a walk, which the nurses really did not understand why she did not want to be by his side. She then called my brother and told him she released the balloon. He knew what that meant.

I do not remember the service, though I do think that I was allowed to go to it.

Some point after my Comm Ev, there is a gap there where I was still working for NWC, but not allowed to musters and all that. So I was helping in the C/S office at ITO.

And that was when an FCB staff member went Type III and needed an Introspection RD. That story coming up next.

Approx 2003 (I guess)

OK, so here I was, kicked out of my org, but not traded yet. And so I was helping out on tech lines for a bit while they figured out what to do with me. Even though I was pretty trained, I was considered pretty much a piece of trash (because I had flirted with someone on staff in VZA).

Meanwhile, my weekly paycheck was 11 dollars. And so, because I was addicted to coffee, it was a tough choice between coffee or soap to take a shower. One lucky thing I guess was me and my mom lived in the same building, so I got to see her more in 2003 until the end of my Scn adventure than I ever did in my entire life combined. For that I am grateful. But I am taking a good guess and thinking I will never see her again.

Anyways, she did help me financially a bit here. Not with money, more I think with supplies so I did not have to worry about money. It was all embarrassing to me to even be broke!!! Wasn't I a competent Sea Org member who could make anything go right? Come on!!!

So, one fine day on the tech lines I overheard about a staff member (not in my org), having gone fully insane, by their terms. He was having coughing fits, talking to himself, taking off his clothes and running around mid using the bathroom and so forth.

So they took him off the base, and then put him with to other people watching him, 24 hours a day. They had to get him off Scn property. That is always a first and urgent action, probably since other unnamed flubbed ones.

The C/S was unsure of what to do, mainly because she was not trained enough to handle the case. Well, I really had nothing to do and this, if done right, supposedly would b good for the case and would also get me into better graces. And so I decided to jump in and help out. Well, as it turns out, I was the only person on the entire HGB base qualified to audit the Introspection RD and there was not a single C/S available to C/S it. So what I did was all of the technical footwork that has to be done. (This part is a little technical, so bear with me).

So I had to go through every single pc folder particle, ethics folder, personnel folder, notes he had at home, letters, EVERYTHING he was ever involved in, to find points of introspection. This took several days to do. Meanwhile, he was out in a rented cabin in San Bernadino mountains somewhere. So I had to compile it all and propose a program and all of the steps to be done (the first couple of steps of the RD are the longest, as they are tailored to that specific case and what caused them to introspect). I discovered a long history of a very troubled case and the guy was being audited WAY over his head on Int RD, list repairs, etc etc when all he really needed was light introductory auditing. He was plowed in by auditing, compounded with being in the Sea Org his entire life, just pressure all over the poor kid (yes, he was a kid).

So then I got the folder all ready and then they wanted me to audit him. They found a C/S for the case at the PAC base (so I had to "Schlep" the folder daily to get it C/Sed and all). Somehow they got the approval for me to audit him by my org (because it had nothing to do with the org I was in). They worked out some deal, not sure what. Probably their C/S had to work for them for a while, which she used to try to do as much as she could, but now it would be forced on her. Oh well.

Meanwhile, right around then, I had made alot of friends in the HGC. The other auditors. And they heard wind of my Comm Ev and heard some very false information about what occurred and they got very mad at me, saying I was very out ethics and blah blah blah. I sorted it out. Someone was spreading lies about me though. I am noting that because I feel like alot of the justice I did get was based on lies. Their word against mine.

Oh yeah, they ordered me to some kind of sec check. That was why I did not leave right away. I couldn't until that was done. And being OT V, there was only one auditor who could do it. Well they did manage to set it up and I did get through the sec check, only to find out after that I had to get FPRD too. That pissed me off - why didnt they do with FPRD in the first place? Then I would have to re-run the same stuff? Screw you guys. That happened a bunch of times in my life.

Anyways, back to that case: So for some reason the C/S wanted me to start with a D of P interview. I should not have done that, because it can make the person look inward, which is not what you want!!! I think the purpose of it was for he and I to meet. I knew him already. I knew him since he was born. I knew his mother well and audited her tons.

Anyways, it was night time and it was dark outside, in the middle of nowhere. The people watching him decided to leave to town (not knowing they could be gone a while), I think to get food or space, not sure. But the roads were icy and there was snow all over. I was not dressed for that. So I was stuck inside this cabin with this kids who was known for getting violent, in the middle of a place that I did not know. If he would have made a run for it, I would not have been able to find him. It was pitch black outside.

Oh well. They finally came back and it was fine.

So then I started auditing on this kid every day. I don't really remember too much about that, the sessions were always very short and we would go do walks and other things too. I would spend all day out there, and come back around dinner time to get the folder C/Sed for the next day. One thing they didnt like was that I did not know how to drive and they had to arrange a driver for me every day from security I guess. And so it was a different person every day. Sometimes they would politely complain to me about not knowing how to drive and I pointed out that I spent my time learning the tech (up to Class VI) and I thought that was a more useful way to spend my time (yeah right).

I remember that the watches were feeding him hot dogs, hamburgers, frozen dinners. They were not giving nutritious food. Well, being raised in the Sea Org, I was not a cook either, but some things I think you are naturally born with I think. And so I took them shopping at the store and bought proper food. Yum. We had a barb-q with chicken breast and roasting ears!!! (for those who don't know, that's corn on the cob). I had to take them out shopping a few times until they got the hang of it. I was making most of the meals for all of them. None of them probably ever ate well. The food at the HGB was nothing to write home about: white rice, some unflavored, pale meat, that was about it. Nasty food there.

Between sessions, when I was not there, the kid would have some wild reactions which I would find out about the next day. He didnt do much of it when I was there. Maybe I would keep him calm, or he knew I was there to help him and didnt want to hurt me, or it was because I was a female. I don't know.

For some reason the bathroom used to make him pretty crazy. He would be in the middle of doing a #2 activity (excuse me) and would run out without clothes on and start screaming stuff. Also there were a lot of ants in there and he was very compelled to kill them. He would spend hours in there killing the ants. I asked the boys to try to get him interested in other activities instead of doing that, because killing the ants seem to make him a little more unstable and was not good for him or the ants.

My time line is all messed up, but I think he was audited for about 6 weeks or so by me, about 3 - 4 sessions per day, depending on how light or deep the sessions got (one deep, or a couple light ones).

During that, I was transferred to ASHO. But they knew that I would need to complete this PC before I could go, and that was fine with everyone. However, for 2 weeks, ASHO did not get paid at all, and that did not help me at all!!! It caused me some big problems, because I needed some basic things like shower stuff and things. So I mentioned this to my mom, who immediately, for some reason, contacted the OSA person who was involved with handling the kid (and who apparently cared about my well being, which I did not know at all). She called me and asked me what was up and told me she could arrange to FLO to pay me for 3 weeks so that I would not be concerned with money. She told me if I needed ANY help, she would help me. I was surprised because that person has way more on her lines than one small kid who was insane.... But she did help me with that, which helped alot.

OK, so a couple more weeks and he was done with the RD. He was in a lot better shape than he had been, but he was still pretty rough around the edges, know what I mean. Nice kid. Poor kid. He thought he would be able to go back on post. Nope. One advice after that RD is the RPF, or offload. So they decided to offload him.

So he was escorted (with me and others) to the airport I believe, where he was going to be taken to his father in Florida, I think. Well, they called his father (and OT V at least, maybe OT VIII?), who could not understand how his kid could have gotten to this state. Nobody knew how to answer to him, so of course, since I was the only techie there, they wanted me to explain it. I knew him from the RPF in 91 and he remembered me well from then. So we ad a decent conversation. But how do you explain that? Up in the semi-high levels of the church, peoples cases being neglected, misprogrammed, etc? And now he's out, with a few loose screws to boot?

I did not make him that way, I did try, with what I knew, to help him the best I could. I have wondered about him since then too. How is he doing. Is he OK? Is he in need of constant care? He should be old enough to take care of himself. But he will never be allowed on a Sea Org base again. No OT levels for him this lifetime. All because of the earlier misprogramming.

I am telling all this from my view at the time. I am not saying I agree with the tech. I think that it did not work on me personally as a case, but I cant say for sure that it did not help others. I saw change in people. Maybe it was fake. I don't know. With Sea Org members, I surely wouldn't doubt it. And with the public i audited, probably there too. Because I always thought that since they have to pay so much for the auditing, they are gonna wanna change their minds fast about things to get'em done faster, you know? I don't know if they really were fully in session. Wouldn't they always be worried about how much it costs them to have that thought, or that Comm lag? You know?

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