The great blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach; but we shut our eyes, and like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for, without finding it.
- Seneca
Our ideas, like orange-plants, spread out in proportion to the size of the box which imprisons the roots.
- Edward Bulwer Lytton
Approx 2000? Really don't remember....
This is part of something that happened while in the RPF, second time. Note that there are a ton of stories related to others that I have, which I have not mentioned. This one is just an addition to my story.
One fine day I was working on decks. I overheard someone say something about John Mustard having back pains. John Mustard is a very, very close friend of mine. We used to hang out all the time. He was like my father, I guess, though he had his own, other kids, he did not mind taking me on too. He was working at the Manor Hotel at the time.
I knew that something was horribly wrong. I ran up to see the RPF I/C and begged him to find out for me. He said he didn't think it was a big deal, with a back pain, whats the deal. I was VERY upset and he knew it would be best to just check and make sure. So he did. And I was called to his office very shortly after. John had kidney cancer. I was so upset about it.
Despite being trapped in the RPF, they actually approved for me to go see him. I was in good graces at that time on the RPF (And Alex Meyer ain't really a bad guy. He has a heart).
So I went to see John. He was so emaciated (John, for those who don't know him, is quite tall and had a little or not so little pot belly). He could barely talk or move. This was advanced cancer. He had pills he was supposed to take and he wasn't taking them, he didn't even have them. I wrote up a report because he wasn't being cared for. I was really upset about it.
If I could, I would have given one of my kidneys to him. I was so late seeing him. I think after he saw me, he died within days. I was so angry and frustrated.
(And earlier than that, Carol Monroe had died of brain cancer, and Allen Hubbert died of cancer too. I think his was brain cancer). Both Allen and John were like father figures for me. Allen was more my auditor though, but John I had known for 15 years or so and this one really pissed me off (I couldn't cry, and still haven't been able to).
Please, if past lives are real, can't he come back to me? He is someone I miss more than anything.
So they let me go to his funeral and oh yeah - I cried and cried and cried then. I remember I couldn't stop! (That's right! I forgot about that). His wife/widow spoke at his funeral - she was hardly ever around because she was uplines and he was not so they were not together much.
I was supposed to talk to her I guess, I don't know. I couldn't talk to anyone. I felt like I was the only one crying for him! Everyone else had their damn TR's IN!!! What the f*ck is up with these people?!?!? (OK, breathe, breathe, calm down girl).
Anyways, I went to see RPF I/C again and asked if I could send her (the widow) a letter and would he let it go through (we were not allowed to originate communications, but were allowed to respond to communications to us, and she had never talked to me). Anyways, he was nice enough to let me do that. I wrote her a really long heart-felt letter and she responded and we ended up becoming pretty good friends for a while there. After I finished the RPF, she was on (she got sent there sometime after his death) and I kept in constant touch with her, checking on how she was doing and her progress and so forth.
OK, that brought back some tough memories....
There was a build up of so many things, which are coming out slowly but surely here, that led to me getting out, in any way that I could. And it was intentional, getting out how I did. And that made people mad. What can I say?
SO MANY people dying of cancer in my life. Is that because I am SP and I did that? If you ask the church, that is what they might say.
2001 - 2002
OK, so my RPF twin and I got ourselves all back together and got back in session auditing each other through the RPF program, fixing up errors and so forth.
Matteo got twinned with Jill Graham (bless her heart too).
Right in here, another RPFer got extremely upset and attempted to end her own life. Actually she tried several times. And Matteo took over C/Sing her folder, and wanted me to audit her on the Introspection Rundown, which she should have gotten right when she arrived on the program, but was overlooked. She was put in "isolation" (sort of, she was staying at and Extended Stay Hotel way out somewhere) and I was to give her this RD, which I did. Then she was routed out. So sad. She was a sweet girl.
About me, Angelo and Matteo and his twin: Both teams graduated the RPF, but neither seemed happy about the other. To be honest, Matteo and I really never resolved our dispute. Such is life.
But, unfortunately for all, all was not well. When Angelo was sent to the RPF, nobody bothered to inform that he would no longer be able to be in the Sea Org. So he graduated and had nowhere to go. He was kind of floating around. One day Elsie Tucker (RTC) wanted to talk to him and he was rude to her and she sent him back to the RPF. I was not sent back exactly, but it was suggested that I volunteer. Anyways, I ended up back on the RPF AGAIN, a few months after graduating! Nobody had informed myself or Angelo what the heck his thing was, so we were not knowing what to do with him. Naturally, he was upset. Getting RPFed again for that? That was nuts.
That was another point that threw me off. That added months to my life, away from my husband. He told me that he would wait 3 weeks for me. Then he finally went ahead with the divorce. I don't blame him. He spent a long time waiting for me. That program is just way too long.
Anyways, So I did Angelo's leaving sec check and he was routed out properly. Because I supposedly missed on him, I had to get more too - and all of that was unnecessary. What reference covers that? (This really pissed me off, but being mad about it doesn't make it go away, it just makes your program take longer).
Anyways, I bit my tongue and went along. And then they let me graduate again. It didn't really take too long, but by then I felt totally un-rehabilitated, I felt like scum, I felt useless and unwanted. That last stint really put me beyond repair. I knew that there was no way I would ever go back there, under an circumstances.
In addition, Jill and Matteo had graduated, but soon after, Jill's cancer (bless her heart) took her life. And they decided that was because Matteo did not get a product on her and they sent him back too. He looked how I felt. I wonder how he is today. Poor guy. I didnt help with some of the evaluations I gave about him too, which I don't want to say here. I am sorry Matteo.
So then I was back in the NWC. I think I had to get another video pass or something and other things. They put me through courses and stuff. Then they decided that I would be going on a UC team. Next SH size org. At first it was going to be Italy, so I started trying to learn Italian. Then it was switched to Venezuela.
So Venezuela was named Saint Hill Size and the UC team was sent to get the staff up the OT Levels (Only the UC Team consisted of myself, as a Class VI C/S, who could sup them, but could not audit them, and a recruiter). What a load of crap.
So we showed up in the org with great fanfare at an event and everybody was so excited. Anyways, there were only two Clears in the Org: the ED and the Senior C/S.
And the UC space? OK, well, the building the org was in was HUGE - 8 stories and the UC had the 8th floor. It was totally empty. It had a couple of walls and concrete floors. And so it was expected that I figure out the set up for the auditing rooms and courserooms for when "the rest of the team" arrived (there was no rest of the team. There was no one else coming).
I got one room set up as a courseroom and then started suping Solo I for those who were ready. Meanwhile the Senior C/S was getting some through CCRD and getting more attested to Clear, which was good and those were doing Solo I in my courseroom too.
And the recruiter was recruiting. Yet there were very few people who had actually made Bridge progress that were there. It was really weird.
And then to top it all off, there was major political upheaval in the country. I have many stories and I would be remiss in not mentioning them.
In a nutshell, it was the President and his men against the democrats. The President wanted to basically communize the country to make it more even. You are talking about a country which is third world, I think for the most part. 80% of the population was poor - they didnt have money to by even a bar of soap. They lived on the streets and saw $20.00 per YEAR. VERY poor.
The people pro Chavez tended to get violent. They carried guns and used them. The police and everything else civil was against the president, but they would protest peacefully.
I remember one day my recruiter and I went out for lunch and on the way back to the org (1 block), there was a protest going on. The democrats started getting in the faces of the military police. We were right in front of it by this point. I saw the military police pulling down his mask - and I told the recruiter to RUN!!!! They maced the entire area - all of the protesters. Because the org was so close, it ended up all over the org too (No AC there - windows always open).
Another time Flag sent us money for promotion for recruitment I think. They sent by Western Union. The only Western Union in the area was downtown and that was a very dangerous area. That is where the shooting was going on the most (by the way, prior to this, the American Embassy told all Americans to get out of the country - the embassy had already evacuated and said they could not help others). Venezuela is not the Untied States of America, OK? We went down there and they only let 3 people in the building at a time - and you have to get there at 6AM to gain entrance. We didnt make it. So we had to come back the next day. We waited outside for 8 hours and they let us in. Meanwhile, there is protesting and fighting going on around us. I think after alot of talking and arguing, they finally gave us the money. They were going to tell us they were out of money and to come back another day, but we managed to get it somehow.
And the next week, we requested that they PLEASE send by Moneygram, because it was a safe neighborhood. The person at Flag told u "too bad" and "make it go right". I really did not want to go back for a few hundred bucks!!! These guys in the SO had NO IDEA what we were going through....
More 2002...
OK. So we were just doing our thing in Venezuela, meanwhile all kinds of protesting going on all around the city. Fascinating to be around. The people of the country are SUCH nice people. So friendly, everywhere that we went. Just great people. It made me change my attitude about some things around me that I take for granted.
Anyways, one fine day my mother called me just to check in and things. Well, my step dad was supposed to be posted in programs, to run FSSO (The Freewinds). As part of his training, he was to go to the ship and learn all of the positions, both on the ship, and in the service org. Before being allowed on the ship, he had to get medical tests to ensure that he was healthy. So they did the tests on him. My mother told me that is white blood cell count was too high. She also told me that there were about 300 reasons why this could be. She did not seem concerned.
I knew what it meant. Cancer. Just my luck. I really wanted to scream at her and make her understand this was not a light matter. She was taking it so unseriously.
I think I tried to find out if I could return to the states, but for some reason, it wouldn't be able to be done, probably because there was no immediate replacement. They did tell me that they were working on getting me replaced (it was really a waste of personnel to have me out here as a Class VI suping Solo I).
(while I was out in Venezuela I got my divorce papers, meaning I was officially no longer married).
Anyways, I freaked about my mothers reaction to her husbands medical thing. And I decided I would do anything to get out of there, including getting myself in trouble. I hate being controlled by other people and like to control things in my own way. And so I flirted with another staff member. That flapped up to hig heaven! (the guy said alot of other things happened that just didnt happen and that made it even worse!).
So the guy that was supposed to replacement needed a sec check or something and they had no auditor there. So they decided to send him to me and I would audit him there. And I did. That took a while. (there is more to that part, but it gets too technical).
He finally finished and they ordered me to be back within 24 hours. Oooookaaaayyyyy. You are talking about a third world country. Impossible task. Because of the protesting, there was gas shortages all over the place. You have to wait in a line for 24 hours to get gas. And the airport was 1 1/2 hour drive away. So these idiots told me "I don't care, make it go right!!!".
And so I went outside and hailed down a taxi driver and told him to wait in line and get a tank of gas and I would meet him in 24 hours. So he went off to do that. And then we got the flight arranged with Delta.
And so I got up to go with the taxi driver out and we went. When I got to the airport (Delta airlines). All flights were cancelled for three days because THEY didnt have any gas either!!! Ha ha.
Anyways, we found a continental flight that was heading out and I caught that. And I was back in the states, under Comm Ev (At least they didnt just send me straight to the RPF!!!) Ha ha.
But at least I would be with my mom and step dad when they found out he had cancer.... which I already knew.