Post Thu May 20, 2010 6:02 am

Scientology can't save John Travolta's dogs from tarmac trag

Some bitches have all the luck, don't they?

In Round No. 2 of the Airports vs. Dogs Deathmatch, Hollywood career-coaster John Travolta's credulous canines were the latest victims of the airline animal control party, which has seemingly been aimed at halting the happy homecomings of domestic darlings.

Although Travolta's doggies arrived safely at their desired destination of Bangor International Airport (unlike poor Paco), the terrible tale of these two tails was only just beginning upon touchdown.

Put yourselves in their rhinestone collars as we try to visualize the mishap at hand.

What's the first thing you do when you deplane? You scurry over to the first patch of grass to tinkle, no? Travolta's dogs were no different. Now imagine unzipping your pants, relaxing in your relief to be home and unleashing your liquid load, when an oncoming service vehicle slams into you, sending you straight to heaven (you're a dog, remember?) on the spot.

Not only did you never even have a chance to shake dry, but dude, what a way to be interrupted during a highly vulnerable moment.

Seriously, though. What gives? What's your beef stick with the pooches, airports?

Suffice it to say, Airports 2, Dogs 0.

Between this, their son Jett's truly tragic demise, and Two of a Kind, we can't help but wonder how that Scientology thing's working out for the Travolta family. Xenu, can't you cut Danny Zuko a break? Cult life is so unfair sometimes.

We aren't sure what's up next in avenging the murders, but counsel for the Travoltas will, of course, need to get to the bottom of who let the dogs out. Who? Who? Who?
"Be the change you want to see in the world."