Tue Mar 04, 2008 5:49 pm
The Stages of Leaving Scn
I'm not sure if it's the same for everyone, but I thought I'd post my own observations on the different stages that I went through, and that I observed others going through, when leaving Scn. Not necessarily in chronological order. Also, I think it's a lot different than this for Sea Org members.
I have skipped, you'll notice, the whole beginning process of noticing that something's wrong, because I think most people get to that point in a different way. However, I find that most people who end up leaving hit these as one of the first major stages, whether they realize it at such or not.
The Word Clearing Phase Little by little, you're starting to feel uncomfortable inside of Scientology, for whatever reason. You, of course, feel that this has something to do with you. You've been taught that the only reasons you'd ever want to leave are that you:
a) Have misunderstood words in LRH doctrines
b) Have committed crimes against the group
You don't think you've committed any crimes, so you must have MUs. You are either sent to the word-clearer to find those misunderstoods, or you start looking for them yourself. But no matter how many times you open your dictionary, LRH is making less and less sense.
"I can fix it from the inside". They start writing reports on things that they see are wrong. Knowledge Reports, "Things That Shouldn't Be" reports, etc. Sometimes this is on other people, sometimes this is on the way things were handled, and sometimes this is on themselves.
Some people never get beyond this step at all, because your average Scientologist, when backed into a corner with irrefutable (spelling?) evidence of wrongdoing, will say: The correct way to handle this isn't to leave, it's to write it up to the proper authorities within the church and get it handled! Leaving is a coward's solution. Take responsibility yourself, from the inside." Exes get this a lot from people still in.
The Ethics Handling Phase. You either turn yourself into ethics, or someone else turns you into ethics for whatever reason. You write up your OWs, you do confessionals, you do your conditions, and everyone pats you on the back for getting yourself "handled". You feel better immediately upon leaving ethics, because everyone treats you like you're one of them again. But the problems resurface when you realize the inital outpoints you noticed with Scientology still make you feel uncomfortable, and you still just can seem to jam your round head into a square hole. You're not thinking of it in these terms, yet, but that's kinda how you're feeling.
The debates and rationalizations phase You work up the courage to bring up some things you think are wrong - and you really demand answers. You are referred only to LRH references for your answers, not to neutral sources, but the fact that this is strange doesn't really occur to you. The discussions go in dizzying circles. You end up more confused than when you started asking questions.
I don't think it's for me You've started distancing yourself from CoS, either physically or mentally, but someone notices. Out of concern that you're losing your eternity, your friends, supervisors and/or family start pressuring you to go back and get it handled.
They tell you "the Tech was misapplied to you", and explain that the only reason you're thinking about disassociating is because someone else screwed up. You think of all the people who mistreated you, and you think, "yeah, maybe that was the problem." After all, most of the nice people you trust and care about are in Scientology. It can't be ALL bad. You go back to fix it at the pleading of the people you love.
You either wind up in ethics, or they just throw you back on course to get you going again.
It's really not for me You've just gotten out for good, you're wary of discussing the topic, and most of your friends and/or family are still in. You are completely unwilling to say anything bad about Scientology, though you've read the critical arguments. Scientologists you still know are constantly asking you when you're going to get back on course, or go back to the org.
Leave me the hell alone You don't even want to talk about it anymore. You just want to be left alone, and your new beliefs respected. You want to build a normal life. You want to live as a normal person lives. Go to school, maybe - or if you've already done that, get a new job. Enjoy your newfound free time. Scientologists that see you in the grocery store say 'hi' with wary looks, or sneer at you. You start feeling indignant.
Speaking up You've got the mental breathing room and time to just relax and read. At some point, you re-visit Scientology online and start finding people you totally agree with. You feel more comfortable sharing your opinion and experiences, maybe anonymously, maybe not.
Not everyone goes through all of these, but I did. Thoughts?
I have skipped, you'll notice, the whole beginning process of noticing that something's wrong, because I think most people get to that point in a different way. However, I find that most people who end up leaving hit these as one of the first major stages, whether they realize it at such or not.
The Word Clearing Phase Little by little, you're starting to feel uncomfortable inside of Scientology, for whatever reason. You, of course, feel that this has something to do with you. You've been taught that the only reasons you'd ever want to leave are that you:
a) Have misunderstood words in LRH doctrines
b) Have committed crimes against the group
You don't think you've committed any crimes, so you must have MUs. You are either sent to the word-clearer to find those misunderstoods, or you start looking for them yourself. But no matter how many times you open your dictionary, LRH is making less and less sense.
"I can fix it from the inside". They start writing reports on things that they see are wrong. Knowledge Reports, "Things That Shouldn't Be" reports, etc. Sometimes this is on other people, sometimes this is on the way things were handled, and sometimes this is on themselves.
Some people never get beyond this step at all, because your average Scientologist, when backed into a corner with irrefutable (spelling?) evidence of wrongdoing, will say: The correct way to handle this isn't to leave, it's to write it up to the proper authorities within the church and get it handled! Leaving is a coward's solution. Take responsibility yourself, from the inside." Exes get this a lot from people still in.
The Ethics Handling Phase. You either turn yourself into ethics, or someone else turns you into ethics for whatever reason. You write up your OWs, you do confessionals, you do your conditions, and everyone pats you on the back for getting yourself "handled". You feel better immediately upon leaving ethics, because everyone treats you like you're one of them again. But the problems resurface when you realize the inital outpoints you noticed with Scientology still make you feel uncomfortable, and you still just can seem to jam your round head into a square hole. You're not thinking of it in these terms, yet, but that's kinda how you're feeling.
The debates and rationalizations phase You work up the courage to bring up some things you think are wrong - and you really demand answers. You are referred only to LRH references for your answers, not to neutral sources, but the fact that this is strange doesn't really occur to you. The discussions go in dizzying circles. You end up more confused than when you started asking questions.
I don't think it's for me You've started distancing yourself from CoS, either physically or mentally, but someone notices. Out of concern that you're losing your eternity, your friends, supervisors and/or family start pressuring you to go back and get it handled.
They tell you "the Tech was misapplied to you", and explain that the only reason you're thinking about disassociating is because someone else screwed up. You think of all the people who mistreated you, and you think, "yeah, maybe that was the problem." After all, most of the nice people you trust and care about are in Scientology. It can't be ALL bad. You go back to fix it at the pleading of the people you love.
You either wind up in ethics, or they just throw you back on course to get you going again.
It's really not for me You've just gotten out for good, you're wary of discussing the topic, and most of your friends and/or family are still in. You are completely unwilling to say anything bad about Scientology, though you've read the critical arguments. Scientologists you still know are constantly asking you when you're going to get back on course, or go back to the org.
Leave me the hell alone You don't even want to talk about it anymore. You just want to be left alone, and your new beliefs respected. You want to build a normal life. You want to live as a normal person lives. Go to school, maybe - or if you've already done that, get a new job. Enjoy your newfound free time. Scientologists that see you in the grocery store say 'hi' with wary looks, or sneer at you. You start feeling indignant.
Speaking up You've got the mental breathing room and time to just relax and read. At some point, you re-visit Scientology online and start finding people you totally agree with. You feel more comfortable sharing your opinion and experiences, maybe anonymously, maybe not.
Not everyone goes through all of these, but I did. Thoughts?
