My Official Intro here

Moderator: doubleVee




Posts: 2

Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2013 4:01 pm

Post Sat Mar 09, 2013 2:02 am

My Official Intro here

Hi Everyone,

I was on staff at AOLA from 2001-2004. I am not sure how many people here know me. I have been around ESMB for a while. I have a blog I have been working on for a bit I have a youtube channel

I was disconnected from my family April of last year because I posted my story anonymously on ESMB. I'll include a copy of it here. I am too lazy to edit it right now so sorry for typos :D. I am living on my own now in East Los Angeles. I have a lot of good friends, but I am interested in meeting others who have been through what I have been through.

I suffer from PTSD. I have nightmares just about every night because of my time in the Sea Org and because of the emotional abuse from my family while I was living with them.

Thanks for reading. Keep in mind that this is before I was disconnected with my family. I had no idea what was going to happen as a result of me posting this.

Here is the original thread on ESMB:

My story in Scientology begins when I was a kid.

My dad owned his own accounting practice and was privileged to have a visit from Sterling Mgmt. They are a Scientology front group that seeks to install Hubbard's ”management technology” in small businesses.

It started off harmless enough. My dad was buying books by the dozen and reorganizing his practice. My sister and I were put on children's courses at CC Dallas. When exactly my parents went from ”this is interesting” to religious fanatic, I have no idea because I was too young. All I know is around this time my dad stopped raising me and started letting Scientology brainwash me into being a ”good Scientology kid”.

I went through several different schools as my dad moved us from Texas to California to be closer to the ”tech”. We eventually settled down in Los Angeles and started studying at a mission. I went on to do my Purif and Objectives and soon had the fire of a euphoria addicted Scientologist in my eyes. It wasn't until recently that I would discover the psychological mechanisms behind auditing.

When I was about 13 my dad would take me to AOLA with him and the Sea Org recruiters would look at me like I was a little league player at a NAMBLA convention. They would tell me how ”theta” and ”aware” I was. Of course I was flattered because I had been taught to believe these people were ”elite” and to me (a kid) they were like G.I. Joe or Power Rangers.

The next two years I spent crying, fighting, screaming, being kept up till two in the morning, practically kidnapped by these people. They would follow me to school, follow me after school, chase me on PAC Base. Call me at all hours if the nights. I had no support from my parents during this time, my Dad blamed me for ”pulling it in” and my mom would only tell me how proud she would be if I joined the Sea Org. At fourteen, I was completely at the mercy of ruthless psychological torture, including mild forms of sleep deprivation and starvation. I felt abandoned by my parents, and I felt like I would never have their respect unless I joined the Sea Org.

I was ”routed onto” staff at AOLA at the ripe old age of fifteen. I had been convinced that I would see my family regularly, get regular days off,and work a regular schedule. I was told how nice the new building was going to be and how nice the area where I slept would be.

Of course it was a much different story when I actually started living there. The rooms on the EPF were nice. That is about all that was true about what I was told. After my parents so generously abandoned me to the church I spent a month on the EPF. Here I was introduced to the dark side of Scientology. I almost immediately wanted to go home I spent every day going through the psychological torture of never being good enough and the old cult trick of putting you down one day and building you up the next day. Switching between screaming at you and being your best friend. It has done a copious amount of psychological damage to me.

After a month of being brainwashed while cleaning dishes and bathrooms and running everywhere, I was put ”on post” at AOLA where I quickly found out that I wasn't allowed to make personal phone calls unless I spent some of my $30 a week salary on it. I was put in a room with 30 other men and boys ranging from 14-60 in age. It smelled horrible, there was no A/C or heating, and I was exposed daily to the company and sight of naked boys my age and older men, during the height of puberty. This is relevant later. I worked 15-20hr days, with maybe one day off a month, if I was lucky. I was supposed to be going to school but that didn't happen. I did eventually get my high school equivalency though. I was screamed at daily about how worthless I was while at the same time being told I was important. It was awful. I was in constant fear of being caught doing something human, like getting sick, eating, taking a dump or having a non post related conversation.

I hardly got to see my parents for the next 2.5yrs. Eventually I was sent to train at Flag in Clearwater, FL. This whole time I wanted out but I ,couldn't mention it to anyone, I had to bury the feeling and hide it from ,everyone. I couldn't even tell my parents how I felt or what I was going through because it is considered a high crime by the religion. Keep in mind I am still a child.

Prior to joining Sea Org I had noticed I had a tendency to find my own sex attractive and eventually I ended up fooling around with another guy at Flag. I was 17, I believe he was 19 or 20. We got caught, I got kicked out. My dad blamed me for everything and threatened to disown me.
I still swore by Scientology for a few years before I started to separate myself from it and reflect on all I had been through. I started to doubt my beliefs and I started to feel.scared, and confused. Then I discovered human psychology and I have been studying it to get some grip on what I have been through.

I decided I would no longer practice Scientology after looking into it further and seeing lack of results and shrinking numbers of patrons. I quickly realized what a money pit it was and watching my parents by re-re-released sets of books for thousands of dollars. Seeing that our family had only gone downhill since my patents began participating in the religion. Also after realizing much of Scientology only works within Scientology. I have also lied to the e-meter a few times so I know it doesn't work either.

I'm much happier staying away from the church and having friends that have nothing to do with Scientology. I make more money and have better benefits working for companies that have nothing to do with Scientology.

I still have not told my parents that I wasn't nothing to do with the church because I don't want to lose them and because my dad is ill and doesn't need the stress. I just avoid the conversations and don't go to the events. My parents have invested too much into the church, including their youngest son (my bother) for me to even hope to convince them of my position.

Why I still feel obligated to my parents who have still done nothing but take advantage of me and basically failed me as.parents is beyond me. This whole thing had damaged me in ways I am still, 11 years later, just now starting to see.



Posts: 15

Joined: Sun May 31, 2009 6:52 pm

Location: 3 Feet back of the Sea Org, Toronto

Post Tue Jun 18, 2013 3:05 pm

Re: My Official Intro here

I was also enraged by the thousands of dollars my dad had to spend to by the latest "Basics" book and lecture package. I knew that he wouldn't get miraculous results just from a bunch more books, because he already had many older copies of same books for 20 years. All that results is he goes into more debt, and the books and lectures just collect dust.

Interesting that you commented about lying to the e-meter. I was subject to a few security checks in a time when I was confident that I didn't want to be a scientologist anymore. I think the meter works more on confidence then truth/lies.

For example, there was a one-time silent meter check for the whole crew (this is done weekly at other orgs but not for CLO Canada at the time) and I was the Dir Comm, so I got to see the results as I routed them to the appropriate person. Surprisingly, while secretly very disaffected, I passed that silent meter check, as did many crew who where actually known to be in 'ethics cycles'. I know I was confident that the basics sales evolution was a BS project. But Kyle and Alex, who worked their rear ends off to finish setting up the telemarketing center on the 9th floor, were the only two who failed the check. So they were the most hard-working crew that week and ended up in Ethics, probably because they weren't confident about all the computer stuff they had to get familar with and fast. So yeah, if you feel like you're in the wrong, you'll get a read, but if you know you have the right perspective, the meter doesn't react. Its about confidence.
The price of escaping may be everything. I know. But when it feels like nothing is left, remember the only thing you need is to believe in yourself.
Adam Holland, Toronto - 647-608-7336
Sea Org member for 2 years, left in Apr 2009

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