jnice,
It is a pleasure to see you here. My feelings on the good and bad of the Sea Org mirror yours.
Not only did I recruit, I regged, helping several people get to the point of declaring bankrupcy, I "handled" many people to stay in, gave leads to recruiters, helped silence and attack critics and all the rest. Left me with tremendous confusion in my heart. The only way out is to understand it is your past, decide your future and move forward. I have also, systematically, over the years, tried to help those I feel I unjustly hurt for the cause, which has been tremendously good for my own heart and soul.
Giving is awesome medicing.
.
