scientology-> SO-> suicide

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Anonymous9104

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Post Tue Jun 02, 2009 1:14 pm

ex-cadet wrote::lol: maybe we are! who knows! :lol: what career are u applying for cherrytree?


a female Einstein, that's Einsteina, and that would be me, sorry guys. ; p
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CherryTree

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Post Tue Jun 02, 2009 1:27 pm

Well not exactly science and physics as Einstein :D I'm more into numbers as to do with money, so it's economics :D
just when you thought it's all wrong it proved otherwise
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ex-cadet

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Post Tue Jun 02, 2009 5:20 pm

Einsteina is a fun name now that i think of it... :P

we have the same likes then... i'm studying finance first semester :D
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CherryTree

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Post Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:25 pm

I have a really important thing to post, at least to me it is, yesterday I managed to contact Steven and Brian with whom I worked at the HGCs, they are out of the SO. I wrote to them cause I came to the conclusion that there is no point in holding grudges against anyone from the SO as they as individuals are not responsible for this. In the SO very few people can remain themselves and many do things that they later regret. So I decided that I should tell them this if I can. I wrote a short message to both of them on facebook to get in contact, and Steven in his response even before I told him all this, apologized to me for the way he treated me. I think this a huge thing, I feel really happy about it, because I think forgiving is a big step toward getting over it. Thanks for the support to all of you because without discussing many things here I probably wouldn't have gotten here. :D
just when you thought it's all wrong it proved otherwise
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ex-cadet

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Post Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:40 pm

congratulations!! :D it is a very brave thing u did and i am sure u are feeling much better about it so i'm really happy about u... i always say that getting things off ur chest is a million times better than keeping them. Plus it's a real good example to people (me for example) that still hold grudges after so long.. again congrats!

PD: speaking about facebook (it has nothing to do with the subject but i always end up going off topic (lol)) it'd be nice if u added me if u want to... i'll PM u my adress :D)
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
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LronIsgonE_Snap

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Post Thu Jun 11, 2009 7:46 pm

I hope Astra sees this, because I'm pretty sure that helping people like you is what they had in mind when they founded this board. :D
Enjoy your life today,
For time is fleeting.
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astra

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Post Thu Jun 11, 2009 11:36 pm

It is really great to see how well you are doing. Congrats on the GED!
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CherryTree

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Post Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:20 pm

This is so hard. I have been talking to them for a couple days now, and as I thought they didn't even know what happened, and are still in good standing with the church. What the hell am I supposed to do? I wrote to both of them that if they choose to know I will tell them but won't force it on them, but I don't know what to do for either answer :( If they say yes, how am I supposed to tell them? do they really should know? they only thought that they made my days hell and then I routed out... I don't want to make them feel bad even more. They apologized to me for their behaviour. If they say no then I guees I just say good bye and not write to them until they do. But this is so complicated. Both of them know that I left the church too and both of them are kind of in the mode to, you know, "just be careful not to look at OT3 material cause it's restimulating". I want to cry right now. :cry:
just when you thought it's all wrong it proved otherwise
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ex-cadet

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Post Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:48 pm

i'm really sorry that u have to go through this i know how it feels... but it depends on each person... i mean u haven't been declared or anything like it so it's not like they are made to cut comm with u... if u just say that as u respect everyones beliefs everyone should respect urs then i think u'd be fine... all the old friends i have found around facebook are all in scientology still it seems... i really don't get why after beeing so aware of what really goes around the org they are still in the mood to continue... but everyone is different and unfortunately we can't just force the truth into people.. i hope the best of luck to you and don't worry... at least if they choose to disconnect with u, you got to fix ur issues with them and now is all good...
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.

"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
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CherryTree

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Post Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:59 pm

My main problem is what and how should I tell them... It's not really a religious thing at this point, it's just if they want to know, and later have problems because of it... And how would anyone react after five years you are told, that you basicly caused someone to commit suicide... I don't know if I want to tell them, I don't want them to feel guilty when they already have apologized, of course not for this cause obviously they were not told, but both them were of aware that they treated me badly.
just when you thought it's all wrong it proved otherwise
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CherryTree

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Post Sun Jun 14, 2009 11:50 pm

why?

Well the question is no longer up I guess. Does anyone know why Scientologists react so vehemently when they find out that you visit a ex-sci forum? I told Steven that the only reason that I write here because I need help, and obviously can not get that help from scientology (as my father would want me to), because, to express it with scientologist words, it restimulates me. Why can't people understand that even though they find out that I tried to commit suicide beacuse of the things in it. I respect that they want to be in scientology, I'm not trying to convince them to leave it, why can't they respect the fact that I don't want to do anything with scientology itself? I had negative experiences with it. Only a fool would touch the hot stove again after it burned him! And despite this I'm willing to speak with any scientologist that respects my feelings, as long as they don't try to get me back in, or hurt my feeling by saying that I'm a bad person for finding a place that actually helps me.
just when you thought it's all wrong it proved otherwise
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LronIsgonE_Snap

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Post Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:24 am

I was afraid that your communications with current Scn'sts would be difficult. I don't know your former colleagues, but it seems to me that most Scn'sts have an "all or nothing" or "win or die in the attempt" viewpoint, in conformity with KSW. They really can not understand why everyone does not embrace "mankind's only hope." Please do not let them or anyone make you feel bad or unworthy because you post here and do not share their viewpoints about Scn.
Enjoy your life today,
For time is fleeting.
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LronIsgonE_Snap

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Post Mon Jun 15, 2009 12:40 am

I saw a thread on ESMB recently where they were discussing ARC. Although LRH is contradictory on this, many Scn'sts define reality as agreement. If you do not agree with them, you do not share their reality. In accordance with ARC theory, low reality necessitates low communication and low affinity. Ergo, most Scn'sts do not like lack of agreement and have a hard time communicating with or liking anyone who disagrees with them about LRH or Scn.
Enjoy your life today,
For time is fleeting.
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Terril park

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Post Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:21 pm

Hi Cherry tree,
Possibly referring them to this website may be useful.

http://www.friendsoflrh.org/
http://www.freewebs .com/techoutside thecofs/
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CherryTree

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OTIII

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Post Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:01 pm

It's probably no use. He wrote to me last 2 days ago. I wrote a very long message to him, but since then no answer, and before this he wrote everyday responding to what I said. And I think he won't write anymore, maybe he decided not to read anything I send him either.
just when you thought it's all wrong it proved otherwise
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justme

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Post Thu Jun 25, 2009 8:29 pm

Hello CherryTree,
I found your story just today thanks to a link from ESMB, and I read it offline on the bus on my way to work, I have been crying all the way.

I was also in the SO at a very young age and I also had suicidal thoughts to escape the place and regain my freedom. I'm happy I didn't. The very results of scientology in my life are a lack of education and my family torn apart with disconnection. Even after I left the Sea Org, as a scientologist I thought a few times of escaping from my problems by ending my life.

I ceased to have occasional suicidal thoughts only when I married and had my first child. Maybe because I had someone to love and care - maybe because I ceased to spend my time and money in an org. From there on I become busy growing up my children well, giving them and my spouse a house. The idea of dying leaving my family with problems became a concern: I started to drive safely, paid for life insurance, and so on.

This turning point was 10 years ago. I have been very happy with my family, with no Scientology around and no suicidal thoughts ever since.

With one exception.

Five years ago I received a call from a scientologist friend, it was a call of disconnection that basically made me wrong for departing the group. In that moment I perceived the exact thought of having done something wrong and the idea to kill myself appeared in a flash. It was an instant thought, it was not me, and it was scaring. I looked at it and started laughing: "No way!" I said.

How evil Scientology is, trying to make people guilty of overt acts, in an attempt to control or destroy.

I am happy you are enjoying your life CherryTree!
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CherryTree

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Post Thu Jun 25, 2009 10:59 pm

Wow I didn't know I'm also on ESMB :D yes I know what you are talking about. I have been building my life since then, and I'm very happy now. I will be going to collage I have a wonderful boyfriend and I want children too. But today was a really horrible day for me. Well the whole day was wonderful, just the end of it... I got my diploma: Hungarian literature and language 94%, Math 94%, History 90%, English language in upper level 89%, Geography 92%. We had a banquett this evening, it was really great, our class is really wonderful we had a great time. Me and one of my classmates decided to call a taxi and she said that she has a friend who she will call. We get into the taxi, she intruduces me, I say my name H. Henrietta, and he is like, isn't your father H. István??? I should have been suspicious really... in Hungary everyone in scientology knows my father as a scientologist... but I said yes he is... how could I be stupider Oh my god!!! we dropped off my classmate and he drove toward the place I asked to drop me off at and he is like, Yeah and do you know scientology, I know your father is one, and I did the stupidest thing I could have done in a situation like this. Said yes and it just came puring out of me, that I was even in the Sea Org but this happened and now I'm not and don't even have the intention of going back in. He is like why and do I know which is the next planet we will go to, and don't care about myself and mankind... and I should help at the central files at the local mission, and on and on, and no matter what I tell him, I told him that because of the Sea Org I tried to commit suicide and that after this they literally threw me out and this really messed me up, and had to stand up on my own, and don't want to do anything with scientology, I even told him to stop trying to get me back in and he is like I'm not trying to do anything, did I upset you?, and I even told him that this whole thing upsets me, but the reaction is: "did you have a win in scientology?" I'm like yes cause if I tell him no then I'm an SP, and I still want to be in touch with my father so this is not an option. The next question what was it? this was the point I said I had enough and got out of the taxi (luckily we already arrived at place I was going to). This was the most embarassing most annoying most upsetting moment of my life since that day five years ago. Why the hell is that my classmate knows the most fanatic scientologist in the city I live????? That's for sure when I meet with her tomorrow at school at the year's end ceremony I will question her about this. I hope she is not one :S
just when you thought it's all wrong it proved otherwise
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CherryTree

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Post Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:15 pm

Anyway this shocked me up. But now that I wrote it down and discussing it over msn with my boyfriend it's a bit better... But still I really wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up... that he is being a real jerk... But I just can't say that kind of things I don't know... I was crying before him and he just right on ignored it and stomped a few more into my soul :( communication training is like nothing, ha acknowledged everything I said but it was like in through one ear and right out through the other...
Last edited by CherryTree on Fri Jun 26, 2009 11:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
just when you thought it's all wrong it proved otherwise
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doubleVee

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Post Fri Jun 26, 2009 6:03 am

justme wrote:I ceased to have occasional suicidal thoughts only when I married and had my first child. Maybe because I had someone to love and care - maybe because I ceased to spend my time and money in an org. From there on I become busy growing up my children well, giving them and my spouse a house. The idea of dying leaving my family with problems became a concern: I started to drive safely, paid for life insurance, and so on.


Me, too. :) It's amazing how many of us there are. I'm just so glad that we survived and didn't end our lives before learning how awesomely wonderful they could be.
Somebody has to speak for these people.... no more running. I aim to misbehave.... If you can't do something smart, do something right. (Serenity)
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justme

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Post Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:24 pm

"did you have a win in scientology?" I'm like yes cause if I tell him no then I'm an SP

CherryTree, you can't be an SP because by leaving scientology you had a huge case gain, don't you? :-D

If that classmate pick up scientology with you again you can play games with her, for example: "Do you know why scientology is not expanding like it should? Come and see this interview!" ( http://www.tampabay.com/specials/2009/r ... hbun.shtml ) or tell her you will maybe give Scientology another try when you will see a real OT showing real OT powers! In 50 years scientology has not produced a single OT.

Anyway, I feel sorry for them. They are trained in the idea that they have the right answer for everything already figured out by LRH, and must not look around.

... and I still want to be in touch with my father so this is not an option

That's very nice. If you have something to tell him, do it, write him letters. Use "good roads, good weather" with him. Disconnection is really a punishment. He must abide to it, you don't. He may rationalize thinking "it's the right thing to do" with his "know best" scientology attitude, but if you miss him, he probably miss you too, even if he cannot express it.

Well done for your Diploma!
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