Thu Mar 05, 2009 2:08 pm
The Price of Tolerance
For many years I have chosen to hold a viewpoint of cautious tolerance towards the Church of Scientology. I see them as wayward children, people making mistakes but still capable of wising up. I want them to reform, not be destroyed. I recognize some people depend on the CoS for solace, I give them the right to religious freedom. I condemn the CoS for the bad things they have done, but I refuse to see them as all bad. I'm not part of them any longer, don't want to be, but I don't want to hate their parishoners either. "Love the sinner, hate the sin." Give people a chance at redemption. That's what I want to do.
With this opinion, I am able to still enjoy the works of my favorite Sci celebs, to hang out with my friends who are in the Freezone, to sleep well at night, to retain my faith in God, and tell myself I am not part of some misguided conspiracy of hate. Not that I think the opposition to Scientology is the latter, in fact I know it's not intended to be. However, it's kind of hard to see it otherwise sometimes. If you keep reading you will understand why I feel this way.
I have tried to validate my stance to others on multiple occasions. To put my feelings into words, vent them, affirm them and make peace with myself feeling the way I do. Every time I do it before anti-Scis, though, it comes with a burden. I have been cussed out on multiple occasions. I have been told my views are dangerous. I have been called every insult in the book, from "clam" to "low form of scum". I have been told I need brainwashing from a deprogrammer to "correct the obvious brainwashing I must have had from a cult". I have had false rumors circulated about me. I have been labeled a member of OSA, an organization I would never join in a million years. No one pays me to voice my opinions. I say them because I want to say them, because I mean them. There is nothing more or less than that involved in this.
I often wonder why I put up with all the opposition I get. Wouldn't it be easier to just give in to my frustration, to let the burden of my opinion go? I can't do that, though. I don't want to give up. I don't want to bully or dehumanize people, nor do I wish to let it keep happening to me. I don't want to see it happening to my friends and the people I admire either. Nor do I want to lose my friends, which I would if I chose the anti-side.
Sometimes I feel great satisfaction from my stance. I won't deny that it empowers me on occasion. There is a part of me that enjoys being the one who stands up and defends. Nothing will ever take that away.
A part of me easily sees anti-Scis as the bad guys too. They pass out the dehumanizing labels. They wear masks, intimidating their opponents and concealing their human emotions (including fear). They swear off forgiveness in their creed. They are so juvenile, with their insults and their never-ending needling. Their ways of trying to win me over aren't working, they make me even more committed to my views. I cannot stomach the way they act. I don't want to hurt them, but I don't want to be them either.
I know they have good reasons for opposing Scientology. I know it has a negative history and many of its fanatics continue to make mistakes. I know many have been hurt by Scientology. But I cannot see Scientology as its negatives alone. I have a conscience. I have hopes for a better tomorrow, for them, for their critics, for me especially. These emotions are not wrong. I will not discard them. My experiences, my feelings, are as equally real as those of anyone who voices opposition to Scientology and has suffered for it. They are also equally tragic.
How much longer will I be able to shoulder this burden? How long will I be able to look at myself in the mirror and stand being looked down on by so much of the world? Will I crack? Do I want to? I don't know.
Then I remember I am not alone. Bob Minton and Stacy Brooks were critics of Scientology who fought its evil for decades, then found themselves able to drop the crusade and seek peace. Many former Scis, including high officials such as Marty Rathbun and Mike Rinder, have exited the CoS without bitterness. Numerous others, including former Sci kids on this site, have made better lives for themselves after leaving the CoS, still love their families, and have given me the right to speak my mind here on their site. I appreciate the latter gift.
I write a rant or story featuring my opinion. It is praised by my fans. I see a celebrity I admire in a film or TV show and I reflect on how I am sure they are not a bad person from everything I have read and heard about them that is not tabloid trash. I feel my friends' comforting hands on my shoulders, and see their smiles when I regard their faces. I hear their comforting words.
From these things, I find the strength to go a little further down this Damascus road. I know I will make a difference, and I will be here to sigh in relief when the end of this conflict comes, as it must. At least, so I hope.
Edit: This was a vent. Perhaps it was improper. If so, let me know by PM and I will take it down. Otherwise, I hope you appreciate the peak into my psyche and what has brought me to this point in my beliefs.
With this opinion, I am able to still enjoy the works of my favorite Sci celebs, to hang out with my friends who are in the Freezone, to sleep well at night, to retain my faith in God, and tell myself I am not part of some misguided conspiracy of hate. Not that I think the opposition to Scientology is the latter, in fact I know it's not intended to be. However, it's kind of hard to see it otherwise sometimes. If you keep reading you will understand why I feel this way.
I have tried to validate my stance to others on multiple occasions. To put my feelings into words, vent them, affirm them and make peace with myself feeling the way I do. Every time I do it before anti-Scis, though, it comes with a burden. I have been cussed out on multiple occasions. I have been told my views are dangerous. I have been called every insult in the book, from "clam" to "low form of scum". I have been told I need brainwashing from a deprogrammer to "correct the obvious brainwashing I must have had from a cult". I have had false rumors circulated about me. I have been labeled a member of OSA, an organization I would never join in a million years. No one pays me to voice my opinions. I say them because I want to say them, because I mean them. There is nothing more or less than that involved in this.
I often wonder why I put up with all the opposition I get. Wouldn't it be easier to just give in to my frustration, to let the burden of my opinion go? I can't do that, though. I don't want to give up. I don't want to bully or dehumanize people, nor do I wish to let it keep happening to me. I don't want to see it happening to my friends and the people I admire either. Nor do I want to lose my friends, which I would if I chose the anti-side.
Sometimes I feel great satisfaction from my stance. I won't deny that it empowers me on occasion. There is a part of me that enjoys being the one who stands up and defends. Nothing will ever take that away.
A part of me easily sees anti-Scis as the bad guys too. They pass out the dehumanizing labels. They wear masks, intimidating their opponents and concealing their human emotions (including fear). They swear off forgiveness in their creed. They are so juvenile, with their insults and their never-ending needling. Their ways of trying to win me over aren't working, they make me even more committed to my views. I cannot stomach the way they act. I don't want to hurt them, but I don't want to be them either.
I know they have good reasons for opposing Scientology. I know it has a negative history and many of its fanatics continue to make mistakes. I know many have been hurt by Scientology. But I cannot see Scientology as its negatives alone. I have a conscience. I have hopes for a better tomorrow, for them, for their critics, for me especially. These emotions are not wrong. I will not discard them. My experiences, my feelings, are as equally real as those of anyone who voices opposition to Scientology and has suffered for it. They are also equally tragic.
How much longer will I be able to shoulder this burden? How long will I be able to look at myself in the mirror and stand being looked down on by so much of the world? Will I crack? Do I want to? I don't know.
Then I remember I am not alone. Bob Minton and Stacy Brooks were critics of Scientology who fought its evil for decades, then found themselves able to drop the crusade and seek peace. Many former Scis, including high officials such as Marty Rathbun and Mike Rinder, have exited the CoS without bitterness. Numerous others, including former Sci kids on this site, have made better lives for themselves after leaving the CoS, still love their families, and have given me the right to speak my mind here on their site. I appreciate the latter gift.
I write a rant or story featuring my opinion. It is praised by my fans. I see a celebrity I admire in a film or TV show and I reflect on how I am sure they are not a bad person from everything I have read and heard about them that is not tabloid trash. I feel my friends' comforting hands on my shoulders, and see their smiles when I regard their faces. I hear their comforting words.
From these things, I find the strength to go a little further down this Damascus road. I know I will make a difference, and I will be here to sigh in relief when the end of this conflict comes, as it must. At least, so I hope.
Edit: This was a vent. Perhaps it was improper. If so, let me know by PM and I will take it down. Otherwise, I hope you appreciate the peak into my psyche and what has brought me to this point in my beliefs.
