scientology-> SO-> suicide

First off -- try some meds. I found a HUGE relief thru the proper administration of antidepressants. Talk to a doctor you trust and work out the right one at the right dosage, and you will feel much better. Paxil brought me nights without nightmares, fewer flashbacks, etc. and I am so glad.

Secondly -- find someone you can talk to in person. Spending a night driving around or sitting on the back porch talking (in the dark so it's easier) will make you feel TONS better. You need someone who can reach over and give you a hug. Trust me.

Thirdly -- don't beat yourself up because you are not "all better" or wonder "why am I not better already?" It takes TIME and you might not ever be "all better". You will have up days and down days. For a time you will feel great and then have a bad day (or week or even months). Life's like a roller coaster.... sometimes up, sometimes down, sometimes you have to throw your arms up and scream.

It will get better. Do things that make you happy and don't do things (or go places, or see movies) that make you feel bad. Hang in there.

Thank you very much doubleVee

A lot has happened in the last couple of months, most of which stirred up a lot emotions, memories. First of all my grandma passed away in February, the one we moved to when we came back from the SO in 2004. She was the only one (well beside my brother) who truly welcomed us back. I miss her greatly. Secondly, my relationship with the guy who have helped me greatly in the past 3 years has ended. Unfortunately both of us were very overloaded with issues at the university and by time we had time to fix things, well there was nothing left to fix, at least on my part. I know the timing may not have been great, but I would have felt terrible if I stayed with him despite the fact that I no longer had feelings for him. But I do miss the role he has played in my life. Right now when I would need someone the most I have no one. All my world, and my anchor points have crumbled and I have no one to turn to.

It's funny how a loss can break you in places you thought you already had fixed.

Cherry Tree ~ I'm sorry to hear you had some difficult times in the recent past. I hope you are doing well now. Change and losing loved ones can be difficult but you are in a better place now and I am hoping that you have been coping well.

Dear All,

Recently a Hungarian ex-scientologist, Peter Bonyai (on ESMB known as Thalkirst) has written a book about scientology and his 10 years in it, it will be published very soon in Hungary (as far as I know only in Hungarian). And related to this, one of the Hungarian newspapers (HetiVálasz) has made a short film about scientology, in which I gave an interview too (hiding my face and having my voice distorted).
Although the interviews are in Hungarian, I'm going to give you the links (there are 3 videos) to the youtube playlist, maybe it will get to some people, who know Hungarian.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWNuOPEV ... 59DCA16192

I've found the following article on being born and/or raised in closed high-demand groups (eg. cults) not too long ago. I'm not sure if it had been posted before or not, but here it is. I hope it helps.

http://www.icsahome.com/infoserv_articl ... en0403.htm

Hey CherryTree,

I think I remember you. I joined at Flag in July 2003, when I was 16. I was in the TTC mostly in the Coachman, but I think I remember seeing you around the QI and maybe on school days.

I hope things are going better for you now. I left in a similar manner in 2007, so I've been out for six+ years, but I'm only just starting to even think about my whole experience and how fucked up everything was.

Best wishes.