Cults & Mothers

[astra]

What is the deal with these mothers who through their children to the wolves, not just Scientology but you see it in polygamist cults and other cults too.

I do not mean all mothers, some are very brave and fight for their children. Or never let their families get in that position to begin with. But so many don't. I don't want to make this a mad rant about my mother, but it so pisses me off. Yes, fathers are to blame too, but I am coming at this from my perspective as a mom.

My mom brought us into the sea org, knowing the deplorable conditions we would be living in. She went to Flag for services when I was 7 and joined the sea org without even checking with my dad. She then perpetuated the lie from the recruiters to him that we would live in a beachside condo and all the kids would go to private school. All the while she knew we would be living in a cockroach ridden motel. Our family of 5 in one motel room. No private school either. She came and got us first while my dad wrapped up our affairs in the UK. Imagine his shock when he arrived weeks later to find how we were living. And my mother's response... "You can go back to the UK, but I'm keeping the kids here".

How, in the blink of an eye, did my mom go from the warm and caring person of my early childhood, to a virtual zombie? The possibility of it scares me.

There are many more stories over the years, like my sister running to my mom in tears at about the age of 12 begging for her help as CMO was trying to get her on the EPF and she didn't want to join the sea org yet. My mother's cold response was that the CMO was above her, there was nothing she could do. When my dad left the sea org, my mother told him he would never see his kids again. When my dad told my sister that he would help her go to college if she wanted to, my mom's response was to keep her from seeing my dad for over a year. Did she have our best interests in mind at any point during this or was she just caught up in the Scientology mania?

Now apparently about a year and a half ago, my mom, brother and grandma were kicked out of the sea org. I hear it is because of the media that I have done about the CofS and how they always try to contact my family for a response. So they are now back in the UK as if nothing happened...seeing my aunt and cousins, I would assume pretending like nothing happened and refusing to discuss anything about me and my sister. Now that the sea org has lost their hold on them, you would think my mom may have woken up to some degree and wondered how her daughters and only grandchild were doing. It seems she may go to her grave blaming us for speaking out about abuse that she knows happened. I hope I am wrong. Despite everything, I would forgive her if she would acknowledge that she failed us.

Now as a child who grew up in Scientology, I can explain very easily how one gets sucked into believing. But I can never, ever explain to anyone how a mother could ignore her instincts to protect her child and through them to the wolves. Knowing as a mom, the lengths I would go to, to protect my daughter and give her a happy life. I do not get it.

Astra, I can only state the obvious: your daughter is vastly more fortunate in having a caring and loving mother than you and Zoe were. To explain why this is so is beyond me.

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[astra]

Thanks for your responses. Funnily enough, I am not bitter about my mother. But I am mad that a "church" can manipulate people in such a way as to distroy their families. I am more mad about the propect of them doing this to families right now and in the future than I am about my own. I am grateful for the loving friends and family that I do have, and frankly, I am grateful that I don't have to deal with any manipulative and poisonous relationships.

It just sometimes baffles me, when I think about how much I love my daughter, that some mothers would abandon their kids in such a way. And I don't mean just my mother I have heard so many other stories. That is why I wanted to do this post. I think a lot of us exscikids, especially those of us who've since had our own children wonder about this. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. In all walks of life you find parents who fail their children. I guess what baffles me about my own mom is that my early memories of her were a very caring and involved mom. And then it was like a flip switched. What scares me is how easily the flip seemed to have been switched.

Snoware, I believe that's the best description I have ever heard or thought of regarding why it is so hard for people to leave Scientology. It IS something like addiction. Most Scientologists fear to leave because they think that's the only way they are ever going to be free, have happiness in live by moving up the Bridge. Of course this is not true but they are made to believe that.
I think this is somewhat a revelation for me Thanks!

My wife an I watch a show called Intervention every Monday evening. It shows the stories of addicts, the effects on the families and attempts to rehabilitate the addict. The damage to the children is heartbreaking, not unlike the heartbreak I read about on this site. One of the themes of the show is that the addict must reach a "rock bottom" to be willing to accept rehabilitation.

The question is, "What does rock bottom look like for a Scientologist?"

HI astra,

As a parent from the Sea Org I dont know where to begin on answering this. Our two children were born in the Sea Org in Copenhagen and while I think the conditions there were better than the US I do not have any objective proof of that.

We are in the exact opposite situation to you in that we are out and our eldest is back in. Not in the Sea Org but in Scientology.

All I can say is that I apologize for your troubles and what you went through, as parents we all should have taken a better and more loving stand for our children than we did.

On the subject of Scn and addiction, see this thread:

[astra]

I think the addict comparison is very eye opening. I never thought about it that way in regards my mom. I always thought of some kind of matyr complex if there even is such a thing. But I think some kind of addiction really explains it. And that explains how a parent could go from loving and caring to appearing to abandon their child for the "cause".
I guess "rock bottom" depends on the person. Sometimes it is their kids leaving, being forced to disconnect. Sometimes it is the RPF. For those uplines it may have been violence from DM.
And to clarify, I never meant this post to be about parents who were in, and then subsequently left and got their kids out. I know how easily one can get trapped. And some parents are in the unthinkable position of wanting out or getting out, but their kids who've since turned 18 wanting to stay. Or one kid leaves and another stays and they are forced to choose. I can't even begin to imagine the torment.
I really admire all those parents who made the difficult choices and got out. For those whose kids wouldn't follow, at least the kids know they have somewhere to go when they decide to get out.